where did all these new followers come from oh god you’re all relying on me now

I CAN’T TAKE THIS KIND OF PRESSURE

this is how life works out for me:

i have friends who i would die for.. i love each of them more than i love myself.

then they get in relationships and completely drop me. it’s happened with every friend i’ve ever had. i understand that you like that person and want to spend time with them, but don’t fucking forget who has been with you all this time.

i hate being left out of stuff. it makes me feel like absolute shit. i need someone to show me that i fucking care.

i keep telling myself that i’m just getting too big and that i need to stop eating junk….. but there’s this thing called chocolate

it’s been two years since i’ve been kissed. it’s been two years since i’ve had any type of affection shown towards me. i’m sick of people telling me that being single is awesome. it’s lonely, it’s sad, it’s dark and it’s cold. 

so a friend and i are planning on going down south for a getaway next year.. we both definitely need it.

only one problem. i’m jobless. and fat.
so i need to work on these two things before i even think about going down south. also i need money to move out in september. and i need to save money to move to california for a few months. fuck this is all too much.

i should’ve been saving since i had my first job. fuck. fuck fuck fuck.
i should’ve been a smart kid and not ate every damn thing i could find.
fuck.

if i ever get a boyfriend they have to be super into horror movies. and if they loved halloween like i do, that’d be a plus hahahaha ;)

thinking a little too much tonight.

got out of the house and tried to laugh a real laugh. i’m sick of faking everything so friends don’t think i’m rude or.. whatever. this is where i breakdown and fall asleep while thinking about how shitty everything is lately. where my body goes numb from anxiety, and i get the spins from all my medication. where i think about every person i know having someone special to curl up next to, or hold hands with, or go for a drive and just be. where i think about how shitty the morning will be, having to go to a shitty job with a shitty boss and be around shitty customers who treat me shitty.

halifax isn’t for me anymore. i don’t really know where is. or who is. i’m rambling. i wish i could talk to someone who would allow me to ramble like this, and not give me advice. just let me get it out and then change the subject. i don’t want a shrink.

literally every friend of mine has someone special in their lives. i’m the only person who is alone. so i’m never going to see any of my friends again really, because we all know that once you get in a relationship your friends no longer mean as much as that one person.

this fucking blows.

at this point in my life idc if i’m a bitch or not. i don’t like everyone and i don’t expect everyone to like me.

i finally joined the cool kid club and got my beginners on friday
it only took me 4 years
i drove twice today. once around our subdivision, and once down to shoppers and tim horton’s. ahhh. 

i just had a bunch of dreams about someone becoming possessed and then whatever possessed them came after me and my family. why? i’m okay with scary things and spirits and stuff but when a demon is thrown into the bunch i’m out. that stuff ruins me. now i’m all freaked out and thinking too much.